Between stuffing my face and festering into the couch for weeks on end I’ve managed to learn a thing or two in lockdown, how beneficial these lessons are is yet to be determined but I thought I’d share a few of my findings as we begin to ease back in to “the real world” and the memory of 3 months of hibernation is rife.
Okay let’s set the scene- “Alexa play locked up by Akon.”
Now this should be pretty self-explanatory but as a recruiter I have come across some absolute horror stories over the past few weeks, so here’s 3 tips for you to take on board if you have an interview coming up:
1. Your boss doesn’t want to see your bedsheets (or your batman PJS)!
You’d think this would be a given, however a few people out there can’t seem to distinguish an invite to interview for a position at a company with an invite to a zoom slumber party. You don’t have to go all out redecorating your room to create a fancy new home office Zuckerberg himself would be stunned with but zooming tucked up is not OK - A light, tidy room with a desk for you to sit your laptop on is more than substantial. Hey, after your interview is completed by all means you can slide right back into those jarmies, get into bed and resume the Netflix party.
Dear lord please wear pants. Sadly, it’s not going to put you in the best light if you reveal your undies on cam before you’ve even met your potential new boss. Now I get it only Psychopaths wear jeans at home, so If you simply must zoom pantless please either: ensure you have positioned both yourself and the camera correctly to eradicate any flashing blunders or at least throw a pair of joggers on your bottom half and preserve your dignity.
3. Leave your scuba mask and fishbowl filters for your Friday night catch ups.
Now I know how hilarious you think you look with your face on a potato or with a smart new green do as you embrace your new life as an on-screen pineapple. However, if you’re serious about nailing down your new job you want to portray yourself as professionally as possible and flashing up on your Hiring Managers screen as a Spud sadly won’t give off the desired vibe.
Listen, I get it - You’ve been locked in the house for months on end, your body has become one with your favourite tracksuit, your hair… let’s not even start and after weeks of trawling through SEEK endlessly applying for every job under the sun to no joy- you’ve given up and accepted your fate as Netflix’s Number 1 Voluntary film critic. But remember, we have all been through a lot with Covid and there’s almost a million Australians out of work, so if you are lucky enough to be selected for an interview do yourself justice and give it your all!
Dress up as you would if you were meeting face to face, do your research, brush your hair and above all do your best to portray yourself as best you can and give yourself a fighting chance.
At most an interview will take an hour out of your day– I promise Netflix will be waiting for you when you’re done and imagine how much sweeter those PJs will feel on your skin knowing you’ve smashed your interview.
Now for a few miscellaneous tips….
1. Instagram discover is a dangerous place – you are only ever 3 posts away from being stuck 6 hours deep in a scrolling hole of mouth-watering snaps of oozing baked goods and pizza slices cheesy enough to plaster your walls with - Bib Necessary.
2. Cereal serving sizes are unholy and shall not be adhered to – if you haven’t taken the time to weigh out a 30g serving before- I sincerely suggest you don’t as it’s outrageously unsatisfying and just down right rude. I personally like to eat my cereal a whole box at a time and so this one really cut deep. On another note – if you have had a drink or two stay clear of the Ezy-Mart as $18 Dollars for a box of fancy coco pops seems extremely reasonable and they will be no where to be seen by morning time.
3. You can survive without the gym- so I am a creature of habit, if I have something planned in my head, I find it really hard to go against it. So, like many of us going from religiously completing the F45 6:30pm weekly rota to the news that all gyms would be closed for the foreseeable struck fear into my soul. Thankfully, our good friend the internet came to save the day once again and Instagram live workouts have been both a god send and my best friend through this period – who knew home workouts actually work and you could get so sweaty jumping around the kitchen like a lunatic?!
4. Always keep your pasta and toilet roll stocked up – Honestly I never thought I’d see the day when toilet roll would be considered a luxury item but here we are in 2020 and I jump for joy when I’m in the woollies and the aisles are stocked to the heavens with rolls galore.
5. Appreciate what you have as you never know what sort of horror movie storyline could be in store for us next. Embrace this period – when would you ever get to sit at home for months of end doing absolutely nothing and be considered a hero? Fingers crossed this never happens again, but I have severely enjoyed the guilt free hermitism and I’m thankful for that.
6. And above all WASH YOUR HANDS.
Another great thing that has come from this crazy period is a new way to escape unwanted attention, long gone are the days of SOS texts to the girls or little white lies about your imaginary boyfriend waiting for you at home, now you can simply request that in line with Covid law unwanted bystanders stay 1.5m– thank you Rona.